Unacknowledged Loss

Unacknowledged Losses

What are the significant losses you have experienced in your lifetime? Whenever I ask that question of a client, the response is usually similar. It goes something like this: “Significant losses, well let’s see, my grandfather died when I was little but I don’t remember him well. I guess that’s about it.” followed by “oh yeah, my parent’s split up when I was a kid, I guess that’s significant.” Why do you need to know that?”

The reason it’s important is because in our society, we are taught not to grieve, or perhaps more accurately, we’re taught to ignore our grief by acting like it doesn’t exist. If we are aware of it we try to make it go away by replacing the loss. That way we can avoid the pain of grief that comes from significant loss. I am not advocating pain but covering it up only causes more hurt. Once it’s dealt with however, that’s when it finally goes away or becomes manageable. Think about your own life experience. What losses have you experienced that have never been acknowledged?

Listed here in no particular order is some examples major loss:

Financial security
Pet loss
Inability to conceive
Friendships ending
Health deterioration
Children leaving home
Physical change
Aging
Social Status
Abortion
Moving
Imprisonment
Loss of independence
Employment position
Infant mortality
Religious identification

The reason for listing the above examples randomly is because what is not significant to one person may be profoundly significant to someone else. Many of us have experienced several of the losses to a greater or lesser degree at some point in our lives. A review of this list can assist us in recalling loss experiences in our own lives while realizing the loss experiences of others is very significant. What are some of the losses you have experienced?

For questions or to discuss more about your particular loss you’re invited to contact me for an appointment.